“A Wounded Healer”

 When a man faces and restores his own wounds and past hurts and uses his wisdom and experience to help others in their healing, he then has the opportunity to become a wounded healer with God’s direction. My biggest wound developed from my Father, or should I say, lack of Father. Because of who my Father was or was not to me, I lived as a victim trapped in a life of fear for many years. However, the scariest thing was that I was just like him in many ways, and if something did not change, I would become the man I despised the most. In 1981, I prayed to God to release me from this fear, and He heard my prayer and felt my pain, and together we restored my life to what it is today: a healthy, happy, joyous, free, and Godly life. Because of this experience, I founded Mountaintop Ministry and Reidar’s Retreat. ”

If you, a loved one, or a friend identify with a having a Father’s wound or other such past hurts, then I suggest you take the time to read my testimonies and restoration process so you too may be free.

 

“Seek and you shall find”

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When I was twelve, I started to lift weights so I could get big and strong to be able to fight the monster that kept coming to our house to destroy my mother, brother, and sister. The monster was my drunken father. We became the targets of his rage, which he had graduated to at this point. Although I was a very active kid in my local Methodist Church with worship every Sunday and Sunday school, as well as Wednesday night youth fellowship, basketball team, church retreats, and a religious school before I was Baptized; all of it was to no avail. I was still alone and abandoned by God and the Church because the monster was not stopped; so I took matters in my own hand and kept working out and waiting for the right time and place. Four years later it happened, I exploded.

		I must have thought I was big and strong enough because the monster came home and started to blow fire at my mother for the last time. The fire was hot and roaring, and I commenced to put it out. My mother watching this altercation must have realized that she had enough as well. He left the house that night defeated, and for the first time, he was not invited back.
Two years later, I joined the Air Force; and two more years later, he died. He never made it back home and, as a result, lived on the streets until death struck him. Eight years later, after many parties and black outs, I thought it was time to settle down. I wanted to have the family that I only dreamed about. I truly believed that
God placed the right woman in my life. At age 28, I married Fran. We moved from Boston to Sarasota in 1972.

Another eight years later, we had that perfect family, which consisted of three boys, one girl, two dogs, and a new home that most people would die for. I had a great paying job, and Fran was a stay at home mom and wife. Things were wonderful, but I had that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was lost and separated from something I did not understand. It was, however, logical to me that I had to fix it. So, we rented out the house and moved back to Boston. Florida was filled with old people anyway, and I figured it would be better back home in Boston. Ten months later in a new city, new home, and new job, and I still had that hole in my stomach.

		One night Fran asked me to be sure that I did not get drunk that night because the next day was an important family function; our youngest son, Ryan, was to be christened at the Church with a big party to follow. All our old Boston friends and family would be there. I said no problem, but she did not

That day changed my life. I had asked God to forgive me for my drunken ways and to help me be a good dad….not like my father was to me. The Lord answered me very clearly. That was the last day I drank (March 16, 1981). Three days later, I went to a treatment center for a 28-day program. Two weeks into this program, I had my second spiritual experience. This second experience came after group and when they focused on my dad and me. I had to confront him with unfinished business. The floodgates of emotions erupted and this time, I was the roaring fire to him. That night back in my room before going to bed, I found myself on my knees again. This time I was grateful and free and was thanking God for that. Then a beautiful, fluorescent image of Jesus appeared to me. The colors were so bright that a feeling of peace came over me that was so strong that I cried and cried….

The following year, God, Fran, and I moved back to Florida with our family to pick up where we left off. This time, my stomach was OK.

Back in out dream house and my old job, we both settled down to the seriousness of raising kids. I dove into AA life with full gusto. I studied the 12 steps and started three new meetings in town. Fran dove into the local Catholic Church with the kids and we both participated in the kids’ activities.

Throughout our daily lives and raising our kids, I carried that encounter of Jesus with me everywhere I went. Although it was tucked away, in private I took comfort with that experience many times. Because the twelve-step program is based on a higher power concept, I kept my Jesus in the back pocket, but had no problem with honoring God. He must have been OK with that at the time because we were able to implement three AA meetings in Sarasota and by this time our kids were turning out to be pretty healthy. As a matter of fact, I never dreamed three brothers and a Princess could be so happy, productive, and responsible. God was for sure doing for Fran and me what we could not do by ourselves. The three AA meetings in time have turned out to be three of the largest in the area.

I believe that God manhandled me right to SSCC's doorsteps seven and half years ago. The very first service I attended it was like a marriage of an institution that I never understood before. Two people that I had known greeted me at the door, and the service and the message were a perfect makeup for this searching soul. I have discussed with my Wife many times how I think God is going to interact the Churches with the twelve-step program because the two are so powerful. It only makes common sense to me that like a man and woman in marriage, what perfect places for souls to come together in love and healing.

I went to a second service and it was as good, so I just took a plunge and did what I was asked to do for a new member to become an active member, plus the church was interested in a twelve step ministry, WOW. I did not say much to my Wife because I knew she has seen me on this path before and was never really impressed, but let me do my thing in peace. As I went to classes with no complaints and actually opened the Bible a few times, I could tell that she thought this might be serious. A year went by and like a proud scholar I completed all the classes and tests that were thrown at me and wanted to know what was next. Jeff Mcduffy very softly said a baptism is next and I said to myself no way, that's a private thing. He explained to me that I should consider it like a marriage; a public announcement that there is this woman in your life that your going to marry. In his mind, being baptized was the same as announcing that Jesus was in your heart. Well, I bit, hook line and sinker. One month later I was dunked in front of the whole congregation in my undies, (story by it self).

This was the second most life changing experience for me and the picture of Jesus I had 20 years prior was still the same, there he was and I was proudly acknowledging him. From that moment I took him out of my pocket and displayed him in public. Fran, some of my kids, and friends were there to witness this humbling event and to celebrate my additional marriage. Fran has joined along side me ever since that day and not ever looked back at her last church. God truly acted on her to be by my side. You see I never pushed anything on her but she saw with her own eyes and heard with her own ears, just as Jesus says in his book, that's how it will happen. And who (except Jesus) would ever know that I could quote scripture better then the AA book.

Now, I feel the nudging still, but it's a different kind. It's one of patience, humility and things happen not on my time schedule, but they will happen. I am learning to trust the Body of Christ as in Acts and to make commitment to it just like my marriage to God and Fran.

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